Ocean Wife Salvage


Gentleman's Tales, 1898


Photo-Shoppe! Photo-editing for 1934.

If you have a passing familiarity with Adobe Photoshop, you've probably noticed that some of the tools have icons and names that are not descriptive or otherwise indicative of the tool's function. You may be given to wonder "Why the fuck, in this time of Great Understanding and Intuitive User Experience, are some of Photoshop's tools so abstruse? What the precise fuck?"

Well, there is a reason. It's because some of the more basic tools in Photoshop are derived from darkroom techniques that date back to.... well, from a really long time ago, is all. When Adobe first created Photoshop (in like 1987, sheesh!), it was designed pretty much for scanning editing photographs. And so, its tools were named for the traditional darkroom techniques they emulated. As Photoshop evolved, the names were left a sthey were to keep from confusing long-time users, while completely baffling newbies.

This article (scroll down) from a 1934 copy of Popular Science gives us a clue as to the origins of the DODGE tool, which is used to lighten areas of an image.

But first, let's see where we are, so we can understand where we came from.

In the tool bar, the dodge tool looks like this. You may have mistaken it for a magnifying glass, but nope, it's just supposed to look like a "shielding card" on a stick. In the article, you'll see that, back in dinosaur times, you'd use pretty much whatever you could find to allow more or less light to fall on an area of the negative during the process of making a copy. This allowed the photographer to selectively brighten or darken areas of a photo during exposure of  a print during duplication. See?

Anyway, the dodge tool is used to brighten pixels. It has an opposite partner, called the BURN tool, which will darken image pixels, and it looks like this (see left).

If you're using the most recent version of Photoshop - Photoshop CC, or "creative cloud" (ugh) - both of these tools have been tossed into a single catch-all icon in the tool bar that looks like a set of ellipses, as in "here's the rest of them". You'll have to click and hold on those dots to make Photoshop show you all the useful stuff they threw in there, as if they were ashamed of them.

If you have an older version of Photoshop, the dodge and burn tools probably have their own spaces on the tool bar and are visible all the time.

So, if you're a dinosaur, here's how you edited your photos back in 1934. Complete article follows. But first, the cover of the magazine.

Cool worn paper, huh? This magazine looks like it spent all eighty-three years at the bottom of an ocean in that weird tractor thing. You could probably use a transparent image of all that scrubbed paper and worn edges for all your future image-ruining adventures, couldn't you? Coming right up.

Here's the article. You know the drill: Click it to big it, baby. Hey, at the end of the article, be sure not to miss the stunning science news about suction cups. Hoo boy.


Car reassembly diagram.



Absorbine Jr - What is the meaning of this?

Okay, Advertising, you got some 'splaining to do. Double-you tee eff is the point of the picture in this ad?

Is the wooden figure in the ad supposed to portray, as a literal interpretation, the feeling that your skin is all dry and cracked, like wood? If so, then why is he cradling the only part of his wooden body that is not represented as being made of wood.... the afflicted foot in need of relief? Nowhere in the ad copy can there be found any reason for there to be an artist's mannequin used as the athlete foot sufferer's body. There's no pun, spoonerism, visual metaphor, joke, or cheeky play on words explaining why this guy is portrayed as a wooden figure.

Okay, this is where I start to get the feeling that I've spent more time thinking about it than the advertiser ever intended, and possibly more time than the advertiser ever spent thinking about it.

Moving on......

Are you tired of people coming to you for answers? Tired of looking like a source of wisdom? Grab the guy's head from the Absorbine Jr ad and use it as your profile picture on Popular Social Network Of Choice or Office Chat System, and just watch people avoid you! They'll feel safe in assuming you're a doofus who absolutely does not have the answers! You're welcome! Get your rude finger ready to right click this dork onto your HDD in three, two, one, RIGHTCLICKNOW!!!!!

Click for 1000px.


Couple more vintage motorsport shirts.

Trolling through an old Car and Driver from 1965, we found some little ads for slightly obscure companies closely tied with the super-cool sixties racing scene. Why not have the Phil Are Go! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade whip up a few shirts? Why not, indeed.

Here's a link to the Halda shirt on our Spreadshirt shop. You can mess with the colors of the shirt and logo on this one. Usually, you can just change the shirt color, but this one uploaded in a better format, so you can change the colors of the blue and white logo all you want before you order.

Isky's logo has a cool grumpy parrot in it! Here's a link to this shirt in the Spreadshirt shop. 

Lastly, here's a Stewart-Warner shirt, if gauges are your thing... or possibly your dad's thing.

See you tomorrow!