10/31/14

Halloween Day - Gronk make poem.




Fancy Mans in Grave Yard.

One day, fancy mans say "Let's have rest in grave yard,
because we like wear stockings and foofy clothe."
Be fancy all day make tired,
and dead mans probably won't arose.

Use dead mans stone for chair.
Dead mans not like.
Be dead lots of years make hungry,
and dead mans not like you there.

"Graaah!" Dead mans got up!
Nobody could have guess!
"Ack! Dead mans! Squee!" say fancy mans.
Dead mans make yummy mess.


Dragon Shed.

Old-time village have problem
of where store extra mans.
Then weird mayor have giant idea.
"Make shed. Make look like dragon."
"Can put extra mans in dragon shed."

Village try shed idea.
Spent half village budget make dragon shed.
Make costume for dress like demon,
push mans into shed
with hay fork.

Turn out, people not like dragon shed,
and getting poked.
Village ask weird mayor to go.
Chase old weird mayor out of village.

Village elect farmer for new mayor.
Old weird mayor say "village not ready for proactive ideas."
Old weird mayor starve in woods.
Got eat by family of raccoons.



10/30/14

Rinso - Very happy to see.

Hey, dish users! Do you want to get unnaturally, inappropriately excited about laundry? You can be as cranked as these Rinso ladies. How? Coffe enemas! or Rinso!

Yeah, apparently some people have found that the colon is a very quick way to get anything absorbed into your system in huge amounts... dangerously so. I think it has something to do with the fact that your large intestine's job is to absorb nutrients, and it's meant to receive stuff that's been processed by all the organs "up north" first, softening the blow. Pour mind-altering stuff directly into it, and all that surface area works hard to absorb everything real quick. People put almost anything where the sun don't shine. Beer and coffee being notable examples. Apparently, young frat bros sometimes die of alcohol poisoning this way. If you've ever met a frat bro, you may not have a strong reaction to this news. Go ask an ER person, or type things into a search box for yourself, because I'm sure as hell not going to. I heard about this stuff on medical podcasts and Spike TV, before I cancelled cable, having learned everything I needed to know about the world. Thank you, television. Learning complete!

Aaaanyhoo, so yeah, Rinso. If you want to be pants-moisteningly thrilled about doing laundry, go get some, if they still make it, or whatever. Graphic gift time? Graphic gift time!!!

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These unreasonably happy ladies don't have to be talking about Rinso. Think of all they could do for you if you put your own text in that box. You're welcome!

"Ooooooo, someone got a vasectomy!"

"Nothing says 'I love you' like Trouser-Fresh!"

"Did someone say 'reverse mortgage'?"


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10/29/14

DIY tips from pro self it-doers!

Stabilize your telephoto lens with this DIY rifle-stock-shaped camera mount. Inventor says he enjoys taking pictures of political appearances, human rights protests, parades, birthday parties, or just random schoolyards.

Mirror with convenient reference ornament helps observers understand they are not eagles. Also available: model for eagles with human-shaped carving in "spread person" pose.

New product "Gunk" claims to remove grease scourfully. Can be used for many hardful cleaning jobs around the house. Easefully gettable in cheaptive smallish or largesome sizeitudes. Not for usement on eating stuffs. Prolongey exposement may make have prain broplem of hard talk good. Care have of kid use gruh. Mbuff risk fluh neurolgimal  bz muffbbbuuuuhhhh California ffffuuuuuuhhhhhh.

Photo hobbyists can prevent loss of chemical jug corks by tying a string to a screw eye in stopper. Improper DK-50 ventilation of darkroom may result in obvious things seeming like incredibly clever ideas.

10/27/14

Google cat, revived.

It has come to our attention that someone drew a can in Google maps somewhere in New Zealand. Google couldn't let people just wreck their maps with funny stuff, so they removed it. Many mourned the loss of Google cat. He looked like this:


It doesn't have to be the end. The Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Squad have traced Google Cat with the good old pen tool. We are proud to provide Google Cat to the world on a convenient transparent alpha background, so his travels can go on. God speed, Google cat. You're welcome, Internet.

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Chesro Frocks - Tootaly raging.

Sometimes I come across an image that makes me really miss making album covers for my CDs.



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10/24/14

Trade School Sonnets - I Dream of an RD4152G Pressure Regulator

I Dream of an RD4152G Pressure Regulator
by Jane Austen
How dare I rise to meet another day
without him?
How can I bear to bore and tap a 1/4 20 hole
knowing he does not know?
Can I chamfer an edge to 1/32 radius
before I know if I am dear to him?

O! The cutting oil flows milky white
and gathers in the ewer.
Like milk of kindness
laced with jagged shavings.
Do not drink the kindness in the ewer!

How dare I bear the pressure in my chest?
The pressure of longing
for his longing.
How can I relieve the underside of the mounting plate
to save weight?
I cannot relieve my waiting.

O! The pressure!
O! My love.
Save me, RD4152G Pressure Regulator.
You are rated at a primary pressure of 20.7 bar.
Your price includes gage, fittings, mounting studs and gasket.




10/23/14

Ballantine Ale - Velb, Myra, Spim, and Gladylvania.


The sky was a tumbling blue, as the sun found it's way home after the large sporting ball game. Velb, Myra, Spim, and Gladylvania chose to enjoy an unspecific ale in reasonable amounts, so they went to their favorite non-threatening paneled brewhouse, The Honkie Chateau.

They all loved to come back to their alma mater, State, to watch the large sporting ball games, especially so in the fall, when the weather was at it's most neutral. You could wear a coat, or not! They chose  a table in the same corner as always, near the photo-graphs of past sporting ball heroes.

Velb effused, "Look, gang! There's all our favorites up there on the wall. Such favorites as..."

"Kirk Tropenvald, the very famous slipping-on-something champeen. He played for State!"
"...and Whiff Frinfwhoff, the several-times most valuable being-surprised-to-have-forgotten-his-helmet player!"

"...and the rest of the everybody, variously acquitted of all sexual assault and criminal battery charges for not clearly explained reasons!"













"Ha ha ha! Said Gladylvania. I'm sure all those sexual assaults and batteries were just a crazy misunderstanding. Several of my doctors say that I will feel even more of that opinion in several decades when I can once again remove my arm from this brace! It will be good to no longer accidentally hail taxis."






"Yes," Spim said, "I am very glad that there is State. You can look at my impulse-purchased pennant if you forget that I am glad that we have states. See it now, my pennant? See how I wave it?"






"I am also so pleased with State that I can perform a glad dance. I perform it uninvited at many social occasions. It involves pointing my thumbs, and there are little kicks. I believe that I am a very excellent dancer, in spite of the testimonials of my friends and acquaintances to the contrary!"





"I can look at your breast when you dance in this manner! said Velb."










Bwelia was glad nobody noticed what she and Trory were doing.




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