12/14/17

12/12/17

Galleon Kids.

Joke #1 - The sea spray over the gunwales, the warm glow of a merchant vessel burning to the waterline, the hiss of a well-slit throat. Jimmy and Charlotte had to admit, they didn't regret dropping out of law school.

Joke #2 - "There she is, kids. Right beautiful, in't she? Get yourselves belowdecks and prepare the guns. Tonight, the wind will be filled with the screams of skee-ball buskers and, if we're lucky, Chuck E. Cheese 'imself."

Joke #3 - These pirates weren't so bad after all. Although he sometimes missed his family, Carl was glad he had been whisked away on a bloodthirsty whirlwind adventure by Captain Jimmy and Captain Charlotte.

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]

12/11/17

Relationship Bicycles


12/8/17

Up Your Decor - There's always room for decorating!!!!!!!!!

Hey hey, my little decorizers! Did you miss me? Of course you did! Today we're going to look at some interiors with loads of personality where you might not expect it! Isn't that great! Yes! Of course it's great, you monster! Stop thinking it's not great!!!

First off, we have this adorably rustic room of some kind made of beams so roughly hewn that it's obvious the hewers didn't even have time to make them non-roughly hewn! So damn rustic! Then come the ladies of the hovel, in their identical gingham frocks, to soften up the place with that age-old hovel-softener, RUFFLES! Couldn't you just eat them up? These fashion-backward window treatments just shriek of the endearingly closed-minded world view of the old west! Why not add some of that to your house today! Ruffle that shit, man!

Maybe you think your kitchen is small? Well, shut up! This cozy country kitchen has made extra space for decorating... on the ceiling! An ordinary brain would think that there's not much room for wallpaper in here, but that brain is an idiot! Just looooook up!!!!! That's right! Ceilingpaper! Now don't you feel boring for not having a bright checkered wallpaper on your ceiling??! Of course you do! You're boring! Stop being so boring!


This groovy couple has found their spirit animal! Yellow! They covered their walls and floor with the spirit animal, and accented it with red and blue! My kingdom for a primary color scheme! Their frikkin' CLOTHES complete the color scheme! Now they have to wear those sweaters every day forever!

Ooooooo, and what's this? Mister and missus Primary have included Poitra
Kleebtp's seminal oil-on-canvas "I Am Too Tired To Paint Today, But Give
Me Money Anyway" in the room ensemble! Very tasteful!

Who doesn't want to evoke the atmosphere of old Morocco in their kitchen? No one wants to not do that!  That's who! With flooring like this, you'll want to cram all your furniture into the corner so your family can wander the boundless expanses of green and orange vinyl in search of the Maltese Falcon or something! Don't you want to join them? Don't even answer, because you do! The latticed dividers give the illusion of privacy while the latticed dividers, in delightful counterpoint, offer no privacy at all! Such counterpoint! What's in those enormous urns on the side board? Hash! Viva oo la la! Where's my fez?!?!


12/7/17

Mimeograph - Heeyyyyyy, huffin' copies!

Ow!!! My frikkin' pen tool! Okay, you better appreciate this. It's another ad from a 1935 issue of Fortune magazine - the daily news for the guy on the Monopoly cards.


Mimeographs. If you're Of A Certain Age, you'll recall that, before photochopiers were cheap,reliable, or even existed, if you wanted a duplicate of a document, you had a Mimeograph machine in your office. They printed in purple, for some reason (or, at least the one at my grammar school did), the copies came out really warm, and while they cooled, you could smell the solvent evaporating from the ink. When the teacher handed out new, uuh, "handouts", as she called them, you could whiff the solvent, and for some reason, most kids enjoyed that smell. It was probably benzine or something that slowly causes drain bamage or something. Anyway, muy broin forls foine..... guh.

So, yeah. Mimeograph.

Anyway, this ad is all about decorative frames and ornaments. Something like that could come in handy down the road. It had damn well BETTER, after all the selecting and pen tooling it took to extract the elements for harvesting. You're goddam welcome!




Click for 1600 px.